Ok, so my last post was about drama and how I don't seek it, yet after my day today, one may challenge me on that thought. Believe me when I say that I was not seeking drama when I woke up this morning, but the drama sure did follow me regardless.
I am a member of a newer adoption board. It is a private board (just learned that recently). Generally, it is a decent board, and the women are all friendly. Being that it is an adoption board, I have been thinking a lot lately that the board doesn't really address some of the main topics/issues that surround adoption. Only a couple of members are not aparents or waiting aparents, which obviously gives a different tone to the board to begin with. However, I still think that we can and should discuss trends, ethics, questions, concerns, etc. even if there are few first moms and adoptees to chime in.
I posted what I believe to have been a nonthreatening post. A post that documented my thoughts and concerns. The whole purpose of my post was to suggest that we talk about the deeper issues relating to adoption, but in a loving, respectful way. I honestly felt as though everyone else was able to state their thoughts/opinions (most of which were questioning my motives, etc.), but I was not allowed to have my thoughts without being judged by others.
I spent the majority of the day feeling like I had to defend my thoughts and reiterate that I was not attacking anyone personally. I really, truly did not have any one person in mind when I posted, but apparently something had happened not long ago involving one member in particular and so my post really struck a cord with her. Although I am sorry she was feeling bad, I do not feel that I owe an apology to someone who perceived an attack that was not real. I do believe she should apologize to me for her hurtful attacks, but I am not sure that will happen. I am not sure she believes me that I was not attacking her.
As this person responded and attacked me, I was offended and hurt. I doubt many people will understand why I was hurt, and that is ok, I suppose...it is my pain, my feelings. It is just so frustrating that it is ok for someone to blantantly attack me and I am judged by so many for some perceived attack that didn't even exist.
*sigh*
Now, 74 comments later, I am tired! Emotionally drained. Exhausted. All I wanted to do today was have a conversation about adoption with women who are involved in adoption. A conversation with women who I know are educated, smart, caring women. I do believe having some of these deep conversations with them will help me grow, help them grow and generally speaking, help the board move in a direction that is beneficial to all.
All I really have left to say now is that I really hope that tomorrow goes better than today.
Good night, friends.
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8 comments:
G'night. I hope tomorrow goes better, too, for you! It was an exhausting day in cyber land, and I missed half of it!
I know with 100% certainty that your posts today were made in/with the absolute best intentions,and I hope everyone else on that board can come to that realization as well.
I don't think it was OK for you to be attacked the way you were. But I'm glad you took the high road...you responded kindly and gracefully. I'm sorry you were hurt today.
Hugs,
Mindy
I also hope and pray that tomorrow is a better day. I am mentally drained from it all. I honestly think that your post was actually well rec'd by most members, however with the recent events, not even a week old, some members are still sensitive and are defensive. I guess you would have to put yourself in their shoes. I do believe that tomorrow will be a better day, so hopefully you will stick around (((HUGS)))
It's been said that it won't be tolerated for people to personally attack others on that board, but that is exactly what happened to you and so far it's being tolerated.
Your intentions are good and I hope it's worth it to you to continue to schlog through the muck.
"I guess you would have to put yourself in their shoes."
Um, with all respect...but WHAT? Angie has been in their shoes many times and in many unpleasant situations in other forums... Please remember, it's Angie's FRIEND (and mine and Anita's and many others as well) who got banned. ANGIE was the one attacked yesterday, not anyone else, regardless of what they imagined. If anyone has a right to feel sensitive right now, it's Angie.
I've tried to be graceful and fairly peaceful for the past day, but posting digs like that on people's personal blogs is going a bit far.
I'm sorry, again, Angie, that speaking in love and honesty drew so much negative attention to you yesterday.
Hugs,
Mindy
"I guess you would have to put yourself in their shoes."
I walked the adoption road for over two years before Princess was born. 17 of those months were waiting to be chosen. We experienced 1 failed match, 1 failed placement and a LOT of problems with our agency.
Before that we walked the IF road.
So, for you to suggest I walk in their shoes is insulting to me. I take adoption very seriously and just because I acknowledge there are difficult issues that are not being addressed doesn't mean I don't fully understand the journey...could it be they don't fully understand the journey???
That forum is impossible. Good luck if you decide to stick around.
Angie, i am so sorry. I did not see your origianl post as an attack at all. I missed what happened over the weekend and only have been able to piece some of it together. I do know and believe that you were not meaning any harm by your post, I honestly think because of what happened it was just so soon and the hurt that others felt were still raw and you caught the brunt of it. I hope that you stick around too.
l l, thank you for your kind words. I don't plan on going anywhere, despite what some of the members may want. I don't scare easy and I don't tolerate being bullied without putting up a fight (in a nice, Christian way!). This storm will pass and I do think people will learn from me on this forum and I am trusting I will learn some things there as well.
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