Ironic, I suppose

Ok, so my last post was about drama and how I don't seek it, yet after my day today, one may challenge me on that thought. Believe me when I say that I was not seeking drama when I woke up this morning, but the drama sure did follow me regardless.

I am a member of a newer adoption board. It is a private board (just learned that recently). Generally, it is a decent board, and the women are all friendly. Being that it is an adoption board, I have been thinking a lot lately that the board doesn't really address some of the main topics/issues that surround adoption. Only a couple of members are not aparents or waiting aparents, which obviously gives a different tone to the board to begin with. However, I still think that we can and should discuss trends, ethics, questions, concerns, etc. even if there are few first moms and adoptees to chime in.

I posted what I believe to have been a nonthreatening post. A post that documented my thoughts and concerns. The whole purpose of my post was to suggest that we talk about the deeper issues relating to adoption, but in a loving, respectful way. I honestly felt as though everyone else was able to state their thoughts/opinions (most of which were questioning my motives, etc.), but I was not allowed to have my thoughts without being judged by others.

I spent the majority of the day feeling like I had to defend my thoughts and reiterate that I was not attacking anyone personally. I really, truly did not have any one person in mind when I posted, but apparently something had happened not long ago involving one member in particular and so my post really struck a cord with her. Although I am sorry she was feeling bad, I do not feel that I owe an apology to someone who perceived an attack that was not real. I do believe she should apologize to me for her hurtful attacks, but I am not sure that will happen. I am not sure she believes me that I was not attacking her.

As this person responded and attacked me, I was offended and hurt. I doubt many people will understand why I was hurt, and that is ok, I suppose...it is my pain, my feelings. It is just so frustrating that it is ok for someone to blantantly attack me and I am judged by so many for some perceived attack that didn't even exist.

*sigh*

Now, 74 comments later, I am tired! Emotionally drained. Exhausted. All I wanted to do today was have a conversation about adoption with women who are involved in adoption. A conversation with women who I know are educated, smart, caring women. I do believe having some of these deep conversations with them will help me grow, help them grow and generally speaking, help the board move in a direction that is beneficial to all.

All I really have left to say now is that I really hope that tomorrow goes better than today.

Good night, friends.

Drama

I can't believe the drama that pops up in cyberland. It never ceases to amaze me. I have enough drama in my own life. Why, oh why, would I want to seek it out in cyber/blog/forum land?