Feelings

My heart hurts. Not for me...my life is filled with blessings. I honestly couldn't ask for more. But, my heart hurts for my friend.

For some reason I was born with a "feeling" heart. Much to The Designers dismay, I become emotionally connected, involved, whatever, with many people from many different walks of life with many different agendas. He has always been concerned with how much of other peoples emotions I take on since before we were even married. As a high school teacher, I would connect with my students. I mean, really connect. I am not sure why, but that is how God made me. I am also an emotional person, meaning I can not hold back tears when I want to cry. They just come out, even if I wish they wouldn't. I always wear my heart on my sleeve. I can't even watch a movie without crying (hey! maybe that is why I haven't watched movies since I was pg with Lil Bug?!?!)

Both of those things combined makes some situations in life very difficult. I feel so bad for people sometimes. I have one friend who is having major financial difficulties. I spend so much time trying to thinks of ways to help her get out of her situation, all the while I am hurting for her and I see her struggle to provide for her family. I have another friend (actually many) who struggle with infertility and I try to make things ok for her and her DH. I wish I could just snap my fingers and they would be pg, but, of course, life doesn't work that way at all. All of this doesn't come without a price, by the way. I have been hurt more times than I can say from some of these people who claim to be a friend, use me to get what they need or accomplish what they want and then leave me high and dry. But I always go back for more. I feel it is my calling in some way, I guess.

At the moment I have a close friend that is experiencing a lot in her life. I will not go into details, she may or may not read this post. But I am concerned for her and care about her a great deal. Once again, I want to fix all the past problems for her and fix the future problems for her too. I cry for her. I pray for her.

Honestly, if I was cold hearted and non emotional, my life would be less draining. I would be able to invest that energy into something else. But, to be honest, I am glad I am a sensitive, feeling person because this is exactly how God made me and I will not question His intentions. Even though being sensitive has lead me to many, many heartaches, I will value the gift that I was given.

Please pray for my friend. God knows for whom I am referring, so no name is needed. Pray for me as well, if you think of it, as I want to do what is right by this person and it seems like I am failing with that at the moment.