Sunday, September 9, 2007

Feelings

My heart hurts. Not for me...my life is filled with blessings. I honestly couldn't ask for more. But, my heart hurts for my friend.

For some reason I was born with a "feeling" heart. Much to The Designers dismay, I become emotionally connected, involved, whatever, with many people from many different walks of life with many different agendas. He has always been concerned with how much of other peoples emotions I take on since before we were even married. As a high school teacher, I would connect with my students. I mean, really connect. I am not sure why, but that is how God made me. I am also an emotional person, meaning I can not hold back tears when I want to cry. They just come out, even if I wish they wouldn't. I always wear my heart on my sleeve. I can't even watch a movie without crying (hey! maybe that is why I haven't watched movies since I was pg with Lil Bug?!?!)

Both of those things combined makes some situations in life very difficult. I feel so bad for people sometimes. I have one friend who is having major financial difficulties. I spend so much time trying to thinks of ways to help her get out of her situation, all the while I am hurting for her and I see her struggle to provide for her family. I have another friend (actually many) who struggle with infertility and I try to make things ok for her and her DH. I wish I could just snap my fingers and they would be pg, but, of course, life doesn't work that way at all. All of this doesn't come without a price, by the way. I have been hurt more times than I can say from some of these people who claim to be a friend, use me to get what they need or accomplish what they want and then leave me high and dry. But I always go back for more. I feel it is my calling in some way, I guess.

At the moment I have a close friend that is experiencing a lot in her life. I will not go into details, she may or may not read this post. But I am concerned for her and care about her a great deal. Once again, I want to fix all the past problems for her and fix the future problems for her too. I cry for her. I pray for her.

Honestly, if I was cold hearted and non emotional, my life would be less draining. I would be able to invest that energy into something else. But, to be honest, I am glad I am a sensitive, feeling person because this is exactly how God made me and I will not question His intentions. Even though being sensitive has lead me to many, many heartaches, I will value the gift that I was given.

Please pray for my friend. God knows for whom I am referring, so no name is needed. Pray for me as well, if you think of it, as I want to do what is right by this person and it seems like I am failing with that at the moment.

5 comments:

Anita said...

(hugs) Sometimes you do the ministering and sometimes you need to allow others to minister to you. You are a dear friend to me and I appreciate your love and support in all areas. I'm sure the friends you are referring to are really relying heavily on you right now, it's wonderful to have a friend who cares so deeply. Someone who actually prays when they say "I'm praying for you." Those are easy words to speak, but mean so much when you actually do it. To have a burden for someone is a wonderful thing. You will have a crown full of jewels, my friend.

BlessedWithDaughters said...

I will pray for your friend.

SJ said...

:( I'm sad for you and your friend. Life's struggles are rarely easy and not everyone is capable of dealing. Praying for you and your friend . . .

stephanie said...

Praying for you and your friend.

nush said...

Ang, I love you! Just so you know, you can call me anytime to vent, cry, or just to chat. You have been a good friend to me and i appreciate that so much. I hope you know i am always here for you as well!
miss ya