Saturday, June 16, 2007

Getting to know N

It has been a few days, but I am ready to write about the wonderful day I spent with N earlier this week. For those that don't know, N is the expectant mom with whom we are matched for adoption. She is due on Aug. 21.

So, a little background...before this visit, we had met with N and her mom two times. The first time was at the agency. It was the formal "prebirth" meeting. Although it was awkward at first, that meeting went well. The second meeting was informal. N's mom called us to set up that meeting and we decided to meet at a park. They wanted to meet Lil' Bug and we wanted it to be somewhere for her to play and not get bored while we visited. That meeting was great because we didn't have social workers present, making it feel much more relaxed. We spoke freely about many different topics. Her mom had some great questions for us. It pleased me because I could tell that they were doing research and thinking about all the different options they have.

This last visit, however, was by far the most fun! I had called N's mom to invite them to our house for dinner. She thought that sounded great, but had to look at her work schedule to see what would work out. She informed me that in the meantime, N would like to just come hang out with Lil' Bug and me. We all thought that would give us the opportunity to really get to know one another. What a fabulous idea! I was very excited.

From that point on, N and I emailed back and forth trying to figure out the details. It was in one of her emails that she invited Lil' Bug and I to attend her check up appointment. I was thrilled. I wanted her to know that we appreciated the invitation, but that we really wanted her to think about it and if she thought better of it, that was ok with us. She insisted that she wanted us there, so the plan was established. We were meeting her at her morning dr. appt and then she was going to come home with us to just hang out.

We have told Lil' Bug that she is going to be a big sister. She has met N. But, we never connected the two together for her. When we had our failed placement in January, Lil' Bug didn't understand and had a rather hard time of it all. So, in an effort to protect her (and probably protect ourselves too) we have not made the connection of the two. I have told N this. I also told N that if she had the desire to make the connection for Lil' Bug, that would be ok. I am not into hiding things from Lil' Bug, but sometimes I do look for the easier road! :)

So, I told Lil' Bug we were going to N's checkup to hear the baby's heartbeat. She was beyond excited. She talked about it the entire day before. The next day we went, and Lil' Bug was so interested in N that she didn't pay much attention to her pregnant belly. That is very unusual for Lil' Bug since she is infatuated with pregnant bellies these days. So, we heard the beautiful, strong little heart beating in her belly and Lil' Bug didn't really have a response. I kind of thought she wasn't really taking any of it in, but I was wrong.

We brought N back to our house and Lil' Bug definitely wanted all of N's attention. N was surprised by Lil' Bugs energy level. She commented a few times how tiring it must be to chase after her all day long. I told her that it is tiring, but I hardly notice because it is just so normal for me.

A couple of beautiful things happened that day. The most beautiful of all was the lifelong friendship that was established between N and myself. I absolutely adore her. She is a wonderful girl. We talk like we have known each other all of our lives. I wasn't nervous at all throughout the day and although I can't speak for N, I would she wasn't either. We talked about some serious stuff, sure, but the majority of the day we just spent laughing, sharing details of our childhood, doing the normal friend stuff.

N did make the connection for Lil' Bug about being the big sister to the baby in her belly. Lil' Bug talks about it all the time. She now asks, "when can N and my sister come play again?" I must admit, it makes me a little nervous. I want to protect Lil' Bug from any possible hurt, but sometimes life hurts and we have to just embrace where we are at and deal with the outcomes later.

I have made it clear over and over again that should N decide to parent her baby, we would not hate her. We would not be angry at her. We would not end our friendship. We would be happy for her. She knows this. With that said, she continues to tell us that she knows she is making the right decision. Based on her new relationship with God, I believe her.

I do believe God placed N and I on paths that crossed for a reason. God has a masterplan. As time unfolds, we will see if the masterplan is what it appears to be at this time.
For now, I am so thankful to have a new friend named N. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

N has given me permission to include a few photos from this wonderful day. Enjoy!
First picture: Lil' Bug talking to N's belly
Second picture: Just hanging out, looking good!
Third picture: Again, looking good! Lil' Bug HAD to sit on N's lap!!! :)
Fourth picture: Playing dress up


Pewee: said...

I LOVE this: Lil' Bug talks about it all the time. She now asks, "when can N and my sister come play again?"

mommyof2boys said...

What adorable pictures!!! We found out about lil P on such short notice our first meeting was at a resturant two nights before she was induced. We only talked briefy and only really got to talk while she was being induced. Glad you are having these moments with N.

Sherri said...

It's great that you are able to establish a friendship with N before the little one arrives :) Grace is so adorable and the pictures are fantastic!