Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Mom of 3??

As you all know I have two incredible daughters. I like the way my family looks. I always wanted 3 or 4 kids, but The Designer only wanted two and I've had peace with that.

So why now is my heart pitter-pattering a bit faster at the prospect of having a third child? Especially since the changes of it happening are a million-to-one?

Here is a little background info.
The Designer's cousin, K, has a son, W. W is 20 months old right now. He has never been in the care of K because she has addictions that have landed her in and out of rehab and prison since long before his birth. W has resided with K's grandparents (The Designers grandparents). They are both in their 70's and two of the nicest people you could ever meet. Seriously, I've never met better grandparents. But, should they be parenting their great-grandson? Grandma has bad knees and can't get down to play with W much. Although they adore him and want the best for him, they, in my opinion, might not be the best solution for him.

I've expressed concerns about attachment issues and such to my MIL (the aunt to K) and she has tried to "educate" the Grandparents some. They have always (and continue) to hope that K will get her act together and be able to parent W, but with more and more time passing, the odds of that happening seem to be slipping away.

Not long ago the Grandparents sought guardianship of W and got it. They have discussed longterm what is best for W and I know (from MIL) that The Designer and I have been brought up as potential adoptive parents for W.

I have to say that the idea excites me. The thought of having a little boy makes me smile. W is only 9 weeks older than Lil Princess, so that would pose some interesting challenges, but it is definitely doable. We have 4 bedrooms. We are already working on upsizing from my car to a minivan. I'm home during the day and could provide love to another little person.

The Designer is not so excited. Last night I mentioned to him that our names were being discussed as a possible longterm solution for this little persons' life and he said, "no way!" He likes the ratio of children to parents right now. He likes that we are comfortable and function well as a unit. He likes that we are done growing our family. I asked him to please pray about the situation, at minimum. Begged him to consider that God could have a different plan for us. Asked him to remain open to listening to God speak to BOTH of us and making it clear. He said he would, but he also said he is sure God is done growing our family.

A couple of sidenotes:
1) The red tape everyone would have to go through to make an adoption plan in this situation is intense. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that K would be aware and have to agree or a judge would have to deem it in W's best interest. Those things alone make the chances of this fairly slim.

2) The Grandparents are VERY attached to this little boy. They love him as if they were his parents. They have parented him for the first 20 months of his life. They only way the could go through with an adoption plan would be for them to be able to really think it is in W's best interest because even though he would stay in the family (there is no way they would let him go anywhere else!) they would be removed from his day-to-day life.

So, as I mentioned, the odds are about a million-to-one, but the thought is there, in the back of my mind. I suspect that if The Designer were onboard with this idea, the odds would increase significantly because we could express to the Grandparents our interest and intentions and they would not feel like they are placing a 'burden' on the way...a child is NEVER a burden for us!


Erin said...


That is a lot to think about but I do get having a little bit of hope that it may happen.

Praying for you guys!

PeWee said...

I know this situation has concerned you for a long time. I'd love for him to come home to you. Too bad it's not that easy.