Thoughts about visits with birthfamily

I love that Princess will have established relationships with her birthparents so she can always know where she came from. She will always be able to look into their eyes and see her own. She will have the privilege of knowing that although she doesn't look like her parents, she can see exactly which of her birthparents she got her smile from, or the color of her eyes, or her laugh. The list goes on and on.

Last week we had a visit with her birthmother. It was different than any other visit because this time I took them to get pictures together. How cool is that?!?! I am so excited that both of them will have this moment in time forever. My hope for N is that she knows how much we care for her and want her to remain a vital role in our daughters life. My hope for Princess is that she knows we love and respect her first mother. There is no anger, resentment or jealously...just respect and love. N could have parented Princess. She would have had some support to do so, but for her personal reasons, she felt Princess should live with us. She loves Princess sooooo much and it is obvious by how she looks at her and plays with her when they are together.

We had a visit with D and his mom yesterday. Our visits with D (birthfather) are usually a bit awkward. We are not nearly as close to him as we are with N. We only talk to him when he calls requesting a visit. That is fine with me, but then when the visits occur, it is just a little strange at first. Typically he comes during a weekday morning as that works best for all of us, but that means The Designer is not here so I have to carry the conversation. He usually brings his mom with...I'm not sure he necessarily wants her there and I don't even know if she really wants to come (although she does seem to enjoy the visits) but he needs a ride, she has a car, so it works.

It takes a while for Princess to warm up to him, but she does eventually. Although generally things are good, I have one annoyance with our visits with D. He regularly refers to himself as "dad" and N as "ma." For example, when he walked in yesterday he sat down and looked at her for a moment and then he said, "You look more and more like your ma." He has done stuff like this in the past. I don't ever want to hurt his feelings so in the past I have not said anything at the moment, but Princess is getting older and understands a lot more now. I want Princess to know who they are, but I don't want to confuse her. I am mom and The Designer is dad. D is D and N is N (if Princess wants to change this as she gets older, we fully support that!).

I've had discussions with D in the past about these comments (I have called him after visits so as to not make him uncomfortable in our home) and he has said he knows who her parents are, but it just slips out. So, yesterday, in response to his comment I said, "Really? I don't think she looks like me that much at all." He quickly said, "I mean she looks more like N now." And I said, "Oh, yeah, I wondered if that was what you may have meant. N is N to Princess. She doesn't know her as 'ma' " D's mom sort of raised her voice at him and said, "You know better, D!"

I honestly can't tell if he really does do it by accident or if he is just being a booger. I will give him the benefit of the doubt and trust that it just "slips out." But the more he does it, the more I wonder.